The email today is brought by a very loved person. He sent it to me yesterday.

Here we go.

“You didn’t understand me” and the art of avoiding self-reflection

One of the most common mistakes in professional (and personal) settings is this: when communication fails, our first instinct is to blame the other person. The classic “You didn’t understand me” instead of “I didn’t explain myself well.”

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I’ve been working on this for 10 years and I still slip.

Why does this happen?

1. Self-serving bias. We want to protect our self-esteem. If something goes wrong, we blame external factors. It’s easy and automatic. Breaking that habit hurts.
   “I explained it well, the problem is on your end.”
2. The illusion of transparency. We think others understand what we mean just because it’s clear in our own minds. But context varies, and so does how words are interpreted. We underestimate how hard it is to be truly understood.
   Our brain assumes the message was received the way we thought it—not the way we said it.
3. Empathic neglect. We fail to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Especially when we’re experts in something, we forget how hard it is to grasp it the first time. Think of unconscious competence.
   If someone doesn’t get it, we treat them like they’re ignorant—not like they’re learning.

So, focus and shift your language, because if you don’t…

• Trust breaks: if you always blame others, you stop being a reliable communicator.
• Learning stalls: without self-feedback, there's no room for improvement.
• Mistakes persist: because you don’t even know what you’re doing wrong.

What you need to remember:
90% of communication problems don’t come from intention—they come from interpretation.

In any relationship (business, romantic, friendship), the question that changes outcomes isn’t “Why don’t they understand me?”
It’s “How can I explain this better?”

Blaming others is instinct.
Self-critique is a skill.

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That's all. Don't tell me that it wasn't worthy.

And let me explain myself again.

If I were you, I would buy the book below.

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